If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
