I am puke
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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