Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
