she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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