We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
this is an emotional support booty call
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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