I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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