You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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