she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
