The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
