you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
