Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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