why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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