Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
