dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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