oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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