Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
