Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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