You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
