Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
