there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
