matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
