Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
