hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
