you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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