I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
operation have a gay friend backfired
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
