Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
