If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you never un-have a 4some
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
