I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
