so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We are all done wearing pants today
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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