Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
4 words: hood of his car
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
