I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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