My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
