My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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