508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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