i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
