areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
