I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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