He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
