At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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