Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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