Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
