Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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