Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
