He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!