just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.