Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.