I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet