Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.