I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
