JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
