it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
