Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
