as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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