did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize