sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I intend to get homeless drunk
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
