Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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