I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
