he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize