I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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