we're chasing vodka with high fives
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
