sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
