I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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