so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
