sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
