I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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