life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
