I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
