today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she peed on how many people?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
