Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
