UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
