All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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