I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
