so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
