I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
