yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I puked a lego.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
