I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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