It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
