My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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